Butterfly

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." - Trina Paulus



My life has changed so much since I last updated this blog. I don't really know what or how it happened, all I know is that one day I woke up. And somehow, I took a tiny little baby step towards myself, and it felt good. So I took another and another, and suddenly walking felt so freeing that I couldn't help it but jog. When jogging was not enough I ran, and the speed was scary but I couldn't stop… then I stumbled… but before I could fall, I decided to jump.

Everything was suspended for a while. There was silence, fear, sadness, doubt and guilt. Oh so much guilt… how could I leap like that, so selfishly towards myself and leave everything behind? But I did, and I had, and I have fallen into an incredibly fast river of downstream bliss. It's like I'm in a raft without any oars and life is taking me faster an faster, unstoppably, towards me. So many things have just HAPPENED. It has been hard, it has been scary, my god it has been tough. I have so many cuts and bruises, and sleepless nights and bouts of seemingly endless tears. I have hurt so many people in the way, I have done things that I'd never thought I'd do.

But I have learned that when I choose the only relationship that matters, I have me and I am enough, and there can be no looking back anymore because no matter how hard it has been to give up being a caterpillar, I have finally learned how to use my wings and I cannot not fly.