SLIGHTLY BUSY

Well. I have a blog! Which I love. With readers! Which I actually love too! Apologies for the lack of updates. Thing is, my work goes from this:



To this:


On a daily basis. I am stupid busy and also tired, but I'm going to tell you something. I am happy. Somehow, in the middle of it all, I have become that person who is bizarrely always happy. Smiling. Singing. Loving life. I am that person who people want to 'shut up already' because "sheesh woman! Life is not that good". But it is! Oh it is.

More on that later.

#9 SEAGULLS

Just a few steps from the flat where we live, there is a series of canals where you can find diverse members of the British fauna. My current favourite are the seagulls, which I can also constantly see flying in the sky outside my window if I sit in the right position on the couch.

For the four months I found myself unemployed, I would go on a walk every day to try and fight the cabin fever. And there they were, always managing to look calm and happy standing there on every single available nook and cranny, but going into a hilarious upheaval at the slightest sign of food availability.

They're greedy, catching crumbs mid air, not letting ducks get a single bite, but I love them anyway. I love to see them sleeping, standing on the rails one after the other. I love when they push each other out of the way with a flustered 'eeeee' to prove their point. I love when they circle around the water, seeming so blissful and free, like there is no care in the world because they are in the now, flying. I love the sound they make, even when it wakes me up sometimes too early in the morning.

But the thing I love the most, is knowing they are mine, my seagulls to see and hear and appreciate. They are not something I need to share with anyone, I don't need anybody to agree that they are amazing for me to be able to love them. And they don't need me to love them to be happy either. They are just so free. When I leave this house, this is the best memory I will take with me, the memory of peace, of having company during those lonely despairing months, of being free, just because I could fly.

TO JOB OR NOT TO JOB

Thank you everybody for all your comments on my job situation. I still haven't officially decided what's going to happen, but so far my decision is more inclined towards not taking the job. I get up at 5 a.m. and come back at 8 pm. I am exhausted beyond words. I come home and I don't have the energy to even talk to my poor husband. I just want to zone out in front of the tv and forget life exists.

I know from experience that this leads to a handful of problems: I will become frustrated and bitter, I will start hating to go there, hating to wake up, hating my employers, and hating myself. I've been there and done that and this is not who I am anymore. I don't think life is one of sacrifices and endurance. Life is meant to be fun. We are meant to do what feels good. So far, this job is not feeling good. No amount of money justifies that.

So we'll see what happens. Husband finally got some freelance work, and I am estimating that between both our jobs, we will have around 3+ more months of savings. Anything can happen in 3 months. If it doesn't, there is always the option of going to Mexico. I've made peace with that too. Life is good no matter where. All is well.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

So. This work thing, has a little disadvantage. The commute is two hours each way, and there is no public transport from the train station to the office. So it means a £10 cab. Each way. (I don't have a car).

At the moment, I'm catching a ride with the Logistics Director who picks me up 20 minutes away from home at 6:30 am. Which is not too terrible except the ride back is usually at 7:00 pm which means I've been doing 12 hour shifts. If I want to leave earlier, I either need to catch a ride with someone else (I have had no luck so far) or I need to fork up the money for the cab. Plus, it being a two hour trip, means I would get home at the same time than if I just stayed at the office and waited for my ride.

On Friday, the MD of the Company said I should see how it works for me for this month, but that they will probably contemplate making me an offer to stay on permanently. To be very honest, I don't love the job. It's not awful or anything, but it's not as amazing as my last workplace. But it is a job in a recession and it would pay the bills. I should also mention that the money is just ok. Not great.

So what would you do?